Influencers are a hot topic right now. Social media can become an all-consuming addiction. Yes, you read that word correctly; addiction. People of all ages are attached to their devices, watching videos that run continuously to keep them engaged for hours, or scrolling on and on without end as their feed becomes tailored to them with countless ads catered to previous search histories or interests clicked.
I won't talk here about my concerns regarding where this leads us as a society in terms of the vast amount of time we are throwing away. I will save that for another day.
Today I want to focus on where this influence is taking you. If you let yourself worry so much about the newest trend, what everyone else is doing, or compare yourself continuously to others, you will be lost.
I often have clients tell me that they don't know who they are or that they feel as though they have lost themselves whether it is in a relationship that is co-dependent, a phase of life such as parenthood, a job, or trying to get into or fit into a social group.
My first task is to reassure them that they are 'themselves' at their very core, which I know sounds very existential. We often have to go back in time to explore who they once were, what things interested them, and what dreams did they have. Something we don't have to go back in time for are their core values.
If you are beginning to feel lost in the sea of influence, you can ask yourself those above questions and reflect on your answers. Am I living my life according to my own values? Am I spending time doing things that truly interest me, or am I just doing what I think others would expect of me or approve of? Where am I on important goals I had previously set for myself or lifelong dreams?
As we age, we come to a place, usually around middle school, where we become painfully self-aware and less free to just be our genuine selves. We worry about fitting in or what others will think of us. For some, this happens later, and then there are those who never seem to worry about what others think. These are the people who go around singing to themselves, wearing what they like, doing as they please, and not worrying about seeking the approval of others. What a free thing that would be!
For the rest of us, we have to figure out how we can channel a little bit of that energy of the free spirit. I have largely seen that caring less about what others think comes with age and experience, although some never get there.
If we could step back and look at how little what others think of us truly matters, we could spend more time doing what we enjoy, being in the moment, and focusing on what is most important in our lives. After all, people are too worried about themselves to really care too much about us.
Here are some next steps to explore: track for one week how much time you spend on social media platforms, consider purchases you have made or clothing/makeup/hairstyle decisions you have made in the past month that were based on the influence of others to get an idea of how large the impact is in your life, and consider how these align with your goals/values/interests or how they may be interfering with them.
Once you have done that, take the following action steps: set time limits for yourself on social media, put your phone up for a couple of hours a day and do not respond to messages/calls/alerts during this window, consider how the influencers and social media make you feel and unfollow them if they make you feel bad about yourself or do not bring you joy. Then explore one thing you can add to your life that involves face-to-face connection and brings you joy, and schedule it or make a plan to do it.
As I write today, I can't help but think of something my father used to say when I was growing up: "Don't be a follower! If everyone was jumping off of the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it too?" That may be the reason why I have never been a follower.
What is most important in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? Who can you actually depend on? One of my clients once summed it up this way: "Who would show up on moving day to help you out? That's how you know who your true friends are". Who would really be there for you when it isn't just for the good times? Maybe these real connections and these real relationships are the ones to 'follow'.
Comments