Dr. Annie Dries, a licensed psychologist in Grapevine, TX, shares her C.A.R.E. framework for healthier relationships. Built from her extensive couples therapy practice, this approach addresses four key elements: Common Goal (shared relationship objectives), Assuming the Best (viewing partner's actions positively), Resilience (confidence in overcoming challenges together), and understanding that Emotions often stem from underlying fears. This practical framework helps couples navigate conflicts with greater empathy and connection. Learn how these principles can transform your relationship dynamic.

The CARE Framework

C - Common Goal: Finding shared objectives in the relationship
A - Assume the Best: Approaching minor conflicts with positive intent
R - Resilience: Believing the relationship can overcome challenges
E - Emotions from Fear: Understanding strong emotions stem from underlying insecurities

Full Transcript

CARE: A Foundation for Healthy Relationships

Hi, I'm Dr. Annie Dries, a licensed clinical psychologist in Grapevine, Texas. Today, I wanted to share with you an acronym that I've created that's been informed by my work with couples, and that helps us to keep in mind what we need at the foundation of a good relationship.

The acronym I'm going to introduce you to is called CARE. At the core or foundation of every relationship, we need care. The elements in this acronym are things that generally we have at the beginning of a relationship. As hurt happens or as trust declines, it becomes harder for us to continue practicing these principles. These concepts are helpful for couples who are experiencing conflict and can increase empathy and understanding.

C - Common Goal

The C in acronym CARE stands for Common Goal. In every relationship, we have a common goal. We want to be in the relationship. We want the relationship to work. We want it to be enjoyable.

If it's a couple with children, they have the common goal of wanting to raise the children in a happy home and take good care of them. Regardless of the situation, there's always one goal that we can find in common, and that's generally to function, to stay together, to have the relationship work.

A - Assume the Best

In the beginning of a relationship, we typically assume the best of our partner. If something goes wrong, we think, "Oh, it's not about me, just maybe something going on with them. No big deal." We let things slide a little bit and aren't as critical.

Assuming the best of the other person means that if something happens, we're not thinking, "They must have done that on purpose. They know I don't like it when they do this."

(Note: This is outside of verbal or physical abuse. Obviously, that is unacceptable, and if that is happening in your relationship, you should seek help.)

What I'm talking about here are minor conflicts. Understanding that if your partner left the toilet seat up, and they know that's a big pet peeve for you, they didn't actively think, "I'm going to leave it up just to make my partner upset." We assume the best of the other person. In this case, we would say, "I'm sure they didn't mean to do that. I'll just put it down. It's not a big deal."

Maybe I'll talk with them about it using some other skills (that you can find in another video). But we're going to assume the best, assume it's not intentional, and see the other person in absolute positive regard.

R - Resilience

R stands for Resilience. Resilience is the belief that this relationship can make it through pretty much anything that comes our way. It's understanding that you have hope that the relationship can survive, that you can figure out a way to work through challenges together.

When couples become hopeless, that's when we see the intensity of emotion increase, and often, couples are not equipped to deal with that emotion. If we have an attitude or an approach that our relationship is resilient and we can work through things, we can find solutions—that's very helpful for a couple to manage any conflict they face.

E - Emotions Come from a Place of Fear

The final letter is E: Emotions come from a place of fear. If we work to understand that when we're having conflict, if our partner is exhibiting or experiencing strong emotion, most often at the very core, there is an insecurity, a fear, a worry.

Often in relationships, that worry might be that we're going to be abandoned, that the other person is going to be critical of us, that we're not going to be loved, or that the relationship is not going to make it.

We have to understand these types of emotions are coming from a place of fear. If we can see our partner—perhaps when they withdraw from us, or if they become angry—we can recognize there is a vulnerability. We can have more empathy toward them and soften our approach, which is what we need when emotions are high.

About the author

Dr. Dena (Annie) Dries is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with Perspectives in Balance, PLLC, serving families in Grapevine, Colleyville, Southlake, and the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area. Her practice is located at 2311 Mustang Dr, Suite 200, Grapevine, TX 76051.

For appointments, call (617) 957-9665.

C.A.R.E. for Your Relationship - Foundation to increase intimacy and happiness in your relationship.